Helping Children with Texture Issues and with Picky Eating

Well, it's that time again. Dinner time that is. You've spent your time cooking a nice meal for your family, all the while, breaking up fights and dealing with kids that only want to be picked up and held while you are in the kitchen. You finally sit down to enjoy your meal and you look over to see that your kids are staring at their food. They won't even touch it and you see that look in their eye. It's the same look you get almost every night. They hate what you've made.

I'm sure my family isn't the only one in this boat, right? I thought -this- was bad enough. Boy was I wrong! When my 5th son was old enough to start trying solids, he would gag every time we attempted it. I would stop and try again a couple of weeks later, and it all ended up with the same results. I eventually regressed and tried feeding him his milk from a spoon, and he gagged on that as well. I knew then that this was going to take time to overcome.

I am not an expert, but these are the lessons I learned through the process. I hope it can help other parents in the same situation.

Helping Children with Texture Issues and with Picky Eating

The main thing to remember through this, is that things won't change over night. To be successful, it will take a series of baby steps. I tried skipping the baby steps and it never works. It is a night of tears and frustration, and you are back to square one the next day, and then you repeat it all over again. It is important to observe for a while. See if there is a pattern in your child's behavior when it comes to eating. Are they more open for certain foods at a particular time of the day? Do they avoid a similar texture, color, smell? Will they eat those foods in different forms? (For instance a Banana, freshly pealed, vs blended in a smoothie) What are your concerns with them avoiding the food?

Quinn took months to get used to smooth food. He gagged constantly, but we kept trying every day, so he would get used to it. By the time he was a year old, he still couldn't eat a single cheerio. I had to buy a food processor and puree all our dinners so he had something to eat. as time went on, I stopped the food processor early and left a little chunk with it. By the time he was 18 months old, he could finally eat a cheerio without gagging. As time went on (and you can tell how slow of a process this was) his aversion isolated to mostly Fruits and Vegetables. I had to make smoothies in order for him to get anything in him. I eventually got him signed up for food therapy. This is where I learned the baby steps. It changed my way of thinking and we came at it in a different direction. I hope this can help other people as well. Although Quinn is severe, this can help with mild issues as well.

Baby Step #1 Being in the Same Room with the Food
The first step is having your child okay with being in the same room as the food they don't like. We never had this issue. If this is an issue, I would give them warning before pulling it out of the cupboard or the fridge. Then describe the appearance of the food. This will help take the fear notch down.

Baby Step #2 Having the Food on their Plate
This was an issue with us some of the time. I told them they didn't have to eat it, they just had to keep it on their plate. We are taking baby steps here, so if they have major issues, we want them to work through them, instead of them feeling forced into eating it. If you make something, always serve it. They won't eat it at first, and might cry to have it there, but this will introduce the food in a less threatening way. Once they are fine about anything being on their plate, then they get to move to the next step.

Baby Step #3 Touching the Food with a Finger
I was blown away at how scary this was to my son. Who would have thought touching a Strawberry could be so frightening? He was used to having it on his plate, but asking him to touch his food was a big deal for several months. We described the food in detail. We commented on the shape and the color and the feel (before he touched it). Describing it helped him know what to expect. We reminded him he didn't have to eat it, just touch it. I know it sounds crazy to go at such a slow pace (JUST EAT THE DANG FOOD!) but we had years of difficult meals prior to this and nothing ever worked on helping him overcome it. We were at our wits end. That is why we started taking the baby steps.

Baby Step #4 Picking up the Food
I require each step before they can get down from the table. If they are on this step, then they have to pick it up once before they can get down. Maybe you have dessert after dinner, if so, then they have to complete the step they are on, before they can get it. Yes, this was met with tears at first. Explain how it feels before they touch it so they know what to expect. This might backfire if it is slimy, Only do this step for things like apples, carrots, or anything else that you would typically pick up.

Baby Step #4 Smelling the Food
They are finally used to touching it and picking it up, now it is time to move on to the next step. I didn't anticipate this being hard either, but it was hard for Quinn as well. We would describe the appearance and the smell as best as we could. He would touch it, and then I would smell it, and then we would put it up for him to smell it. He didn't want to put it up to his nose, on his own, at first. They might not be sniffing in, but if they are picking it up on their own and putting it up to their nose, Success!

Baby Step #5 Licking the Food
They can either use their hands, or they can use utensils. I had better luck with a fork on this step. They will do a lot of smelling steps before they will open that mouth. Again, describing the taste and texture helps them. If it is a peach I would say "It tastes sweet and a little stringy. It is soft and very juicy. Mmmmm" Then I eat my bite. Keep at it!

Baby Step #6 Putting the Food in their Mouth and then Spitting it back out
This takes convincing. I have them lick quite a bit before they feel safe to put it in. I tell them they can spit it right back out. If they regress and won't lick, you have them smell till they feel safe enough to lick again. We cheer and clap a lot through each baby step. You want them to feel good at the progress they are making. Describe the taste and texture to them! It also helped to have a cup of water. That was his way of taking a break and putting something safe in his mouth. Plus, if he didn't like the taste, it would  wash it down.

Baby Step #7 Put the food in and take one bite, then spit it out
Make sure to relish in each success, no matter how small. If your child is like Quinn, the fact that he just popped an apple in his mouth on his own is HUGE! Sure he spit it right back out and maybe gagged a little, but really, it took so long to just get to that one point! And if you don't have these problems, maybe you will appreciate your dinner time a little more. It helped me with my other kids for sure. I was more patient with them and their pickiness. After all, I am a recovering picky eater myself. You will gradually increase the amount of bites as they get used to this step. Think of it as Baby Step #7a, #7b, #7c, ect. Just to clarify, My son was eating other food pretty good. I pushed this because I think eating Vegetables and Fruit is pretty important. He was not eating ANY fruits or Vegetables. If he only had an aversion to a few of them, I might not have bothered with it. You can tell he had issues since he first started eating solids, and each thing took time to get him used to it. Since we started the food therapy, I tried this with my other kids, who were typical but were picky. This helped them as well. Your child doesn't have to be severe in order to benefit from this.

Baby Step #8 Swallow
After getting them to take so many bites, the swallow will eventually happen. WOO! Cheer and clap! It is finally paying off! Some other ideas, are to offer several foods that they DO like on their plate. They will always have a choice of something they like, but you only give them a small amount. When they are done and they want more, that's when you get to try with the food they don't like. Let them choose whether it is on a spoon or fork. When they first start, you can hold the silverware for them, but you want them to eventually take over so they are feeding themselves. I like to get out 2 forks and put a minuscule amount on one and an overwhelmingly large piece on the other fork and then let them choose which piece they want to eat. That always makes them feel better about the bite they are getting. I might sound like a broken record, but you really want to describe the food, even if they have seen it 100 times. If they are having a hard time, describe the way it feels and tastes in a positive way and model the behavior for them. These methods take some convincing, so kids that are young and can't be negotiated with would remain at an earlier stage until they understand and want to do this. You don't want to force it, or it will backfire.

Make meal times fun. Talk and laugh, and engage them as you interact as a family. Experiment and play around with what works and what doesn't. Just have your end goal in sight. It's not so much about getting them to take a bite while feeling frustrated the whole time, but HELPING them enjoy it. It will pay off in the long run!

How I helped my Nonverbal Son learn how to Talk

All 3 of our boys have been in Speech Therapy. I think we have done speech therapy for a total of 7 years. Each of my boys have been different as to why they needed it and how to help them. My oldest, Zack, started out mumbling most of his speech. We figured out that he was saying things very fast but most of it just sounded like gibberish. My youngest, Quinn, growled everything he said. He laughed and cried normal, but anything that he spoke was growled. When Connor (my middle son), was 2, he wasn't communicating with us 95% of the time. He said Abby and Dad and once a month I got a "mom" out of him. The most he would do was to come up to us, gasp and point at something. He didn't do this very often. I remember a friend coming to my house who had a child younger than Connor and she made attempts to converse with her mom. You couldn't understand everything she said, but she was looking at her mom and engaging with her. I realized then that he needed help.

In all instances, the Speech Therapist wanted to take my boys back alone to work with them. I didn't understand the concept because they were working with them for maybe 30 minutes, once a week. I didn't see how that was going to make a big dent. I asked to go back so I could learn from them, and then apply it at home. And that's what I did. We started requiring more of the boys. We used what we were working on at Speech Therapy and did it at home. If Zack was dropping off the last part of a word, then we worked on the sound and then had him combine it again with the word. For instance, if he was saying "stop" and it sounded like "staw" and he didn't finish the word, we would practice the "p" sound and then add it. My go to rule was that it didn't have to sound exact and perfect, they just had to be trying. We don't go past 10 tries or get close. It's more like 5ish. I didn't correct every time, that would be discouraging. We mostly started when they were asking for something they wanted. Then we sprinkle it in throughout the day randomly.

For Quinn, his situation was unique. We had to teach him to whisper first and tell him to use his soft words. Modeling correct speech was never enough with him, we had to practice through play.

I really feel that if we had not worked with Connor, he wouldn't be talking. I remember when we first started, we were working on animal noises. We just wanted him to make noise to communicate something to us. Animal noises are easier to make than saying a lot of words. We would get a puzzle with the animals and we encouraged him to make the animal noise for him to get the puzzle piece. I don't remember it working well. He wasn't talking at all, so why would he make animal noises. At first I decided to start with Sign Language. We didn't need to know a lot. I knew a few signs so when he wanted something, he had to sign one word. It might have been "more" or "please" or the actual sign for what he wanted. With Connor, it was always food related. That's the one time he would communicate through crying for something to eat. I never gave it, no matter how much he cried, unless he signed one word for it. At first he wouldn't do the sign. I modeled it and he would look away, so I took his hand and did the sign for him. Then he got what he wanted. It took him a couple of months and then he was getting it and starting to communicate with us! I always accepted a sign, as long as he tried. I didn't care what it looked like.

Once he had started communication through sign language, it was time to move forward to sounds. We stopped asking for the signs and started asking for the words. We had to start with just the first sound of the word. If he wanted milk, he had to say "mm". Each new phase is always met with tears. After several months, he was communicating with minimal sounds to us. These experiences are always small, baby step, milestones. Kids his age are saying several word sentences, but we are celebrating that he just said mmm, on his own, for milk, without being prompted. Once that became more common place, and he would say mmm unprompted, then we went to the next part of the word.

You have to push them in small increments. You start with something they can do and push it one step further. If all they can do is point to a picture, then they point and you have them do a simple modified sign (that is made up if it needs to be) and have them start doing both. Once they can eventually sign, you eliminate the pictures. Then you move onto the next step. Always move forward and believe that they can achieve more. 

It took months for each small step. I always felt like Connor's speech was behind a brick wall. Each piece had to slowly be removed. Did he cry through the process? Yep. Did he learn? Absolutely! The Sign Language removed one brick and a light of communication shone through. We did the first sound of a word and the next brick was taken down. Brick by brick, as we took them down and we helped him through it, he was eventually able to join in and the wall came down a lot faster.

Learning through Play
We would have play sessions with certain toys. He really liked potato heads, so we would give him two choices of a part to add to the potato head. For instance, he could choose the eye or the ear. When he pointed to it, we would encourage him to say it (or sign depending on his level). Any attempt was accepted at first and congratulated. Once he could do more(and he was having fun), then we pulled a little more out of him. There was a lot of cheering and clapping involved. Connor looked forward to it and we did the sessions as long as he was engaged. When it was clean up time, we had this game where I would hold the bag shut and he had to say "open" or another word we might have been working on. Once he said it, I would open the bag and close it over his hand when he put it in and making chomping noises. He loved this part the most out of our play sessions.

It's good and fine to sit with them and say words and point things out, but if your child isn't talking when they should be developmentally, then you need to have structured play. Have some toys that the kids really enjoy, that you only pull out when you are doing speech therapy. Work with your therapists, and reinforce at home what they teach you. Meal time is a great time to incorporate speech as well as bath and story time. Connor's speech really started taking off when we read scriptures at night as a family. We would ask him to repeat one verse. At the time he would repeat the same phrase for every word we asked, but after some time he would shock us and say a simple word.

Connor is going to be turning 7 this month and for several years now, you would never have known he didn't talk when he was younger. The only thing he still struggles with are his "r" sounds. (All my boys do). He was behind, but with years of effort, by taking one day at a time, or a few minutes here and there, he is almost completely caught up.

You here the phrase, "Pick Your Battles" and many people don't want to deal with the crying and think it is easier to just give them what they want, without them working for it (speech). I believe it is easier in the long run to push through and deal with it and teach NOW, instead of having to work twice as hard later to make up for it when it becomes a real problem. Don't compare your children to others or their siblings. Just compare them to themselves, and celebrate their accomplishments, no matter how small.

Helping Our Children Through Their Struggles

Imported from our family blog
January 27, 2009

Unexpected Help

"We were invited over to a families house for Dinner on Sunday. We are going to start trading off every month and they did the first month. I had to ask about some ingredients for Abby's diet. Mark, the dad, asked me a few questions about her health and then told me to remind him before we left so that we could get a number for a nutritionist he knew. This is exactly what I have been needing. I have been going online myself and looking for new ways to get her nutrients that she has been missing out on. I am not an expert at all and have been trying to figure things out myself because what we offer that she can eat, she wont eat. I am hoping the nutritionist can help us some more.

Later on during the night, it came up about Zack's Autism and he was asking me some of the signs Zack shows because Zack has been doing good with communicating to strangers lately. He is a speech therapist for Early Intervention. We started talking about some of the issues we have with Zack, the ones I have mentioned a little on here. With Zack needing us to say things or he will have a full blown tantrum. Every time we drive by Zack's school he shouts and shouts "There's my school, There's my school." If you don't respond in a way he wants, he will lose it. This happened the other night. I kept telling him "Zack we hear you" because I sometimes get worried about these rituals that get created so quickly and so easily. You don't even know saying a certain phrase to him one time will suddenly become life or death to him if you don't say it from here on out. I didn't want to say what he wanted to hear ("Yeah, we see your school Zack") because I wanted to start breaking this new routine. He lost it and was still freaking out at home for quite some time. I brought this up to Mark and other instances like with him needing the fan on, or the garage light turned off(when it is automatic), his dog re-positioned, ect. For the first time since we have started this path with Zack, I got some great ideas and direction on how to help Zack. He explained that instead of jumping to plan B (Saying a completely new phrase when we pass by his school) we start with one word, something that Zack can handle. Take a word off, add a word, pause for a second before we respond, ect. Constantly change it up so he knows it is okay to say different things yet do it in a way that is gradual and tailored to him. I told him about the dog and he seemed a little baffled and said give me a minute. He started showing Abby how to play a game and in maybe 3 minutes he gave me the best advice. Instead of using words, which is what Zack will cry for hours for, we silently take his hand and move the dog, and the next time we just put our hand on his and see if he does it himself. He is taught non-verbally that he can do these things himself when I was using words to have him do it himself. When I say these solutions, they seem so straightforward but we got up to a point and then we couldn't go forward. He said it is hard to break the verbal routines.

We went for dinner and when we left I had something so unexpected. An answer to prayers. Someone that might be able to help me with some of Abby's minor problems, and some new, very inspired ideas, to help us with Zack's problems. The Lord works in mysterious ways."

You never know when you are going to help someone by giving them sound advice. This was life changing for our family. Changing up the routines for Zack eventually lead to eliminating them. It is definitely not an overnight process. It took months and years to get to where we are now. The first time we met Zack's Autistic Teacher, when he was going into the program, he commented that he could tell I don't parent Zack like he is Autistic. He said a lot of parents make excuses and allow behaviors because their child has been labeled "Autistic" or has been diagnosed somewhere on the spectrum. Within 5 minutes, he could tell a difference? Zack (as you can read above) had issues, years of issues, that were extreme for kids his age. I was shocked that the teacher even picked up on these things so quick. After him explaining, I was more shocked at the idea of not pushing Zack to be better or to grow and overcome these things. 

I look at all 6 of my kids and see that each child is unique. They have similarities and some are a lot like me or like Kevin, but every one of them has had (or still has) issues that we have had to work through. I am baffled at the idea that I wouldn't make an effort for one of my kids just because they had a good reason for their behavior. Just because the behavior is to be expected, doesn't mean it is okay. It also doesn't mean that it will never get better or they will never overcome this. We are living proof that it does get better and they can get past this.

 Make sure to get help from professionals, they are trained to help come up with solutions that will help you. Seek answers from the Lord, as he knows our kids the best. Answers might come as a thought, or someone might say exactly what you needed to hear. My motto is :NEVER GIVE UP. Whatever the problem, never stop trying. Do the hard work it takes to help your children grow and overcome their struggles. 

Our Autism Journey, just the beginning..

These posts are taken from my family blog from 2008. It describes our journey with our son Zack. 

I just thought his constant lining things up was unique. I didn't think anything more of it. 

Zack was staring off so I told him to look at the cookies. Ha Ha, he sure did.

Zack Lined up all of his letters.

"There are some months when we are just constantly going to the Doctors. Today we went to see a Neurologist for Zack. I will post a video below of Zack "Bumbling". It is such a weird thing. I have never seen any other kids do it. I always wondered if he was just being weird or if I should be concerned, so I mentioned it to my old Pediatrician. Now that our insurance has changed we started a new Pediatrician for shots, so I mentioned his Bumbling to them also. She sent a referral over to the Neurologist to see if he has a Tic and that is why he is doing these weird movements. The Specialist asked tons of questions and had him do several physical things. When he was done with his evaluation he said that he does think he has a Moderate Tick as well as very mild symptoms of autism. I had been wondering about Autism (very mild Autism) because he has some symptoms of that. We now take him to have Genetics testing done where they pair up the Chromosomes and see if anything is going on there, and we also are going to see if he can be put in the Early Childhood Programs through the School District. They would cover the Speech Therapy as well, so that is nice."

"Today was Zack's speech assessment for Child Find. The guy took Zack back for about 45 minutes. When he came back to ask me some questions, he said "Zack has me in a quandary." He explained that he has been doing this for 14 years now. If a child is Autistic it shouts to him and is a lot easier to pick out. He explained that Zack would kind of "blip" oh there is Autism, then it would go away, "blip" there it is again, oh it is gone, "blip" it's back. He said that Autism is a heavy label so he wants to have someone come to the house and observe him more before they "label" him as autistic (Which they have to do to get services for the Autism). I told him that the Neurologist specified as well, "Zack has signs of mild Autism and a moderate tic". He also agreed that Zack had some interesting Tics he has never seen before. Zack is unique, what can I say? He said he will definitely be getting speech services. He might have Developmental Delay or Autism or both, and might just get the whole shabang with their services. Either way, I think we can expect him to start school very soon. They will have a final meeting after the home visit, so I will let you know how it goes."



"Today was Zack's in home assessment as well as his Neurology appointment. We had 3 ladies come out today. One was doing the interaction and the other two were taking notes. It was so obvious what he could do and what he couldn't do. Sometimes they would smile and look at each other, and other times they would scribble in their notebooks when he was having a difficulty with things. We have the final meeting on the 27th where they go over everything and we come up with a plan for him.

The blood work we did earlier showed that Zack doesn't have a genetic form of Tourettes, so that is good. He can have Tics but Tourettes is more severe. I told him about Kevin and he said he definitely has a Tic as well. Who would have thought. 

You know the most frustrating thing with this whole experience (so far, because we are just beginning) is not the obvious, but the amazing resistance in the family at the idea of something being "wrong" with one of the kids. Sometimes I feel completely alone in dealing with this. I have seen red flags and done a lot of research. I have worked with hundreds of kids and even worked in special education rooms. I have taken classes for Early Childhood and Special Education and I know the importance of getting them into the programs early. I just never expected to be the only one(except Kali) in my family, with extended family included, that thinks there is something off, or wants to acknowledge it. For some reason, I thought we would all be on the same page but I have spent hours defending my instincts and research. I get lectured on "he is just a boy" "he will grow out of it" "I was like that as a kid" "everyone is so quick to slap a label these days" "I have seen one autistic kids and Zack is fine". Since I started the process of getting him help, I deal with it alone. When I am with the professionals I finally get some companionship in my quest to help Zack. It has been nice (like today) to have everyone working with him seeing the same red flags as I am, and acknowledging them. Today I don't feel alone because I had 4 people(3 from the school district and the Neurologist) that are ready to give Zack the help he needs.

Since I have explained my situation to family about them being nervous that Zack is going to get a "label" and think that everyone is hasty to give them out. I might as well as explain my experience here as well. Zack has been observed for over 5 hours by 7 different people. They drove out to our house(which is not something they do often) and observed him in his natural environment. I have been questioned about everything for over 3 hours in addition to his observation. I have had a verygood experience working with the School District so far. They are very thurough. But the most important thing, most people forget, I am with him almost 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and I have been with him for 4 years now. I know my son."

This is how Zack likes to look at things.
He puts his hands in a Triangle and then crashes into Abby's head.

"Yesterday was Zack's final meeting with Child Find. I have this huge packet of his Evaluation and his goals for the year. They don't diagnose medically but see if they meet the Educational Requirements. Because they don't diagnose, they say he is very likely of being Autistic. They want him to start next week in an all day program. Before going in Kevin and I were against the full day program. He has never been away from me and still takes naps. I feel comfortable with it now. We all want Zack in a normal Kindergarten so we are going to get him a lot of services this year. Hopefully next year we can work down to the part time program and the following year he will be ready for Kindergarten.

Kevin and I are nervous of him adjusting. Zack had a play date last week for 2 hours and a Halloween Party for 2 hours and he did pretty good at them. Emma was also with him though. When we were in St. George he had a hard time going to a new Sunbeam's class. He let me leave the last 5 minutes. Zack takes a while to adjust to new things. We only have one car, which is the real problem. They do offer a bus to come and pick him up from the house but I don't think Zack is going to do well with that at first.

He starts next Wednesday and I am very anxious. I don't leave my children with people I don't know and now I am going to have to. I called his Teacher today so I can meet with him before he starts. He hasn't called me back yet. I am going to talk to him about a transition period so we can start taking him for a few hours until he is used to it. We'll see how it goes."

"Last Saturday we went and picked out our Christmas Tree. We had a good time until Zack started freaking out about a coat. It has been a while since we have had a scene in public. Zack has regressed or something since he started school. I have a few theories but his tantrums are bad. Sometimes when he goes on his rampages it is like the equivalent of the other 3 children combined. He takes so much energy out of you."

Zachary is now 10 years old and in my opinion, no longer Autistic. Oh the journey we have come!

Church Time

August 11, 2008

"I wanted a Picture to describe my Sunday, but it seems that I can't find one. Look at those kids paying attention and being all good. No wonder it is a drawing. Well, at least it isn't a reality for me. Zack is really big into quoting movies. We watched our newest Home Videos Sunday Morning. When we got to church Zack was constantly quoting what was on the home video. "Abby take a picture." "Zack say hi. Zack say hi." "Abby, put that back." "Zack do you want to hold Connor." He would repeat it over and over and over. When it was time for the sacrament I kept telling him to be quiet and Emma would lean over and put her hand on his mouth, but he wouldn't stop. Abby was also having a fit. She was on the ground and was trying to lay on Zack's shoes. Zack moved his feet and her head fell on the ground and she started screaming so loud. I was closest to the wall, and Kevin had Connor. I scooped her up and there were so many feet in the way, I had no space at all. I managed to make it past the kids feet (all the while trying to get her out ASAP) but I totally landed on Kevin's feet and I had no where else to go so I had to put all my weight and Abby's on his poor feet. He was sort of chuckling and saying OW so I couldn't help but laugh, silently thankfully. I was wondering what people were thinking. My child obviously was hurt and crying and I was laughing. When I walked into the foyer I could tell I was disturbing them (sigh, that is what the foyer is for, right?) so we just walked outside. When we finally got back in and Zack was still quoting the movies. I think people make mental notes not to sit in front of us. They can hear everything going on and although I always try to be on top of them banging into the bench they always manage to do it."

6 years later and it is still the same-ish.