Tracing Shadows

Emma told me she wanted to trace shadows, so we went out on Friday and had fun with the side walk chalk. I loved that she had this idea on her own. I have no clue where it came from. We got everyone's shadow traced and Abby even stayed still to do hers. It was a lot of fun. She kept chopping off my arms and we laughed about it. When we were pulling out for Church, our Neighbor pointed to the ground and gave us the thumbs up.

The other day Emma came to me with a 2 Liter bottle and told me she was going to freeze the water in the fridge. Instead of telling her no, I let her go with it. She came down the next day and saw that it was still not frozen. She told me that it was going to take a long time, like all the way to Christmas to freeze, so she kept it in there. The next day I saw it outside, in the dirt. She wanted to see if it would freeze outside (if it was cold enough outside). The day after that I found it in the freezer. She finally came to me and showed me what worked. It was a cute, self started science project. Then she hacked at it with a butter knife and let it melt. She is a fun girl.

A little piece of Heaven

"I never did mention that Abby had her finger poked. When you constantly are bleeding you can become anemic so our Doctor wanted her to be checked to make sure everything was fine. (Iron levels are good) She, was obviously, terrified. She cried, "No owies, no owies." After everything was done I decided we needed a park diversion.

I have found this park that is nearly perfect for me. When Connor was first born I was overwhelmed by the fact that I could not take my kids to the park alone. There were too many of them and not enough of me. All of the parks I had been to were too open, had easy access to roads and had a lot of people. I was never able to relax that if I turned my attention to one of the kids for a moment, one of the other ones could be taken. I know I am paranoid, but hey, I live in Vegas. Kidnappings are a reality here.

By chance, a little while ago I found a quiet, secluded park. It is in the back of a Realty Office and you have to walk down a long path to get to the park. Most of the time we are alone, but sometimes there is one other child there for a little while. Although my kids could use more interaction, their safety and my peace is more important when I am alone.

Today I sat on the Picnic Bench and watched and listened to the kids playing with each other. Connor was tired but happy, next to me. The older 3 decided to run down a grassy hill right next to the play equipment. I pushed Connor closer so I could see them over the hill. Emma had taken her shoes off and was running in the grass barefoot. Zack and Abby were holding hands and running up the hill. I locked the brakes on the stroller and stepped in the grass and took off my flip flops. The grass was wet and cool on my feet.

Emma beckoned to me to run with her. I was hesitant. I was in between the older kids and Connor. I was reluctant to leave Connor up there alone. After a few minutes I felt Connor would be fine if I ran around with the older kids for a little. I held Emma's hand and ran down the grassy hill, barefoot, with my beautiful Daughter. I was instantly filled with so much joy. The weather was perfect. It was sunny yet cool with a bright blue sky. I was running with my kids enjoying a wonderful day with the feel of cool, soft grass under my feet.

It felt so much like a piece of Heaven. You don't get them often and they don't last too long, but oh are they so sweet. I went to check on Connor and he was peacefully sleeping. I had so much fun watching Abby say "follow me Zack" and run here and there.

Of course all good things must come to an end. Mine ended when some park maintenance workers drove up on the path and Emma shrieked. I felt uneasy and was quick to leave, not that I was in danger, but the feeling was so drastic it was just time to go. As we packed up I think 3 families were headed down.

It was one of those moments I want to remember when I am old and gray."

Our Autism Journey, just the beginning..

These posts are taken from my family blog from 2008. It describes our journey with our son Zack. 

I just thought his constant lining things up was unique. I didn't think anything more of it. 

Zack was staring off so I told him to look at the cookies. Ha Ha, he sure did.

Zack Lined up all of his letters.

"There are some months when we are just constantly going to the Doctors. Today we went to see a Neurologist for Zack. I will post a video below of Zack "Bumbling". It is such a weird thing. I have never seen any other kids do it. I always wondered if he was just being weird or if I should be concerned, so I mentioned it to my old Pediatrician. Now that our insurance has changed we started a new Pediatrician for shots, so I mentioned his Bumbling to them also. She sent a referral over to the Neurologist to see if he has a Tic and that is why he is doing these weird movements. The Specialist asked tons of questions and had him do several physical things. When he was done with his evaluation he said that he does think he has a Moderate Tick as well as very mild symptoms of autism. I had been wondering about Autism (very mild Autism) because he has some symptoms of that. We now take him to have Genetics testing done where they pair up the Chromosomes and see if anything is going on there, and we also are going to see if he can be put in the Early Childhood Programs through the School District. They would cover the Speech Therapy as well, so that is nice."

"Today was Zack's speech assessment for Child Find. The guy took Zack back for about 45 minutes. When he came back to ask me some questions, he said "Zack has me in a quandary." He explained that he has been doing this for 14 years now. If a child is Autistic it shouts to him and is a lot easier to pick out. He explained that Zack would kind of "blip" oh there is Autism, then it would go away, "blip" there it is again, oh it is gone, "blip" it's back. He said that Autism is a heavy label so he wants to have someone come to the house and observe him more before they "label" him as autistic (Which they have to do to get services for the Autism). I told him that the Neurologist specified as well, "Zack has signs of mild Autism and a moderate tic". He also agreed that Zack had some interesting Tics he has never seen before. Zack is unique, what can I say? He said he will definitely be getting speech services. He might have Developmental Delay or Autism or both, and might just get the whole shabang with their services. Either way, I think we can expect him to start school very soon. They will have a final meeting after the home visit, so I will let you know how it goes."



"Today was Zack's in home assessment as well as his Neurology appointment. We had 3 ladies come out today. One was doing the interaction and the other two were taking notes. It was so obvious what he could do and what he couldn't do. Sometimes they would smile and look at each other, and other times they would scribble in their notebooks when he was having a difficulty with things. We have the final meeting on the 27th where they go over everything and we come up with a plan for him.

The blood work we did earlier showed that Zack doesn't have a genetic form of Tourettes, so that is good. He can have Tics but Tourettes is more severe. I told him about Kevin and he said he definitely has a Tic as well. Who would have thought. 

You know the most frustrating thing with this whole experience (so far, because we are just beginning) is not the obvious, but the amazing resistance in the family at the idea of something being "wrong" with one of the kids. Sometimes I feel completely alone in dealing with this. I have seen red flags and done a lot of research. I have worked with hundreds of kids and even worked in special education rooms. I have taken classes for Early Childhood and Special Education and I know the importance of getting them into the programs early. I just never expected to be the only one(except Kali) in my family, with extended family included, that thinks there is something off, or wants to acknowledge it. For some reason, I thought we would all be on the same page but I have spent hours defending my instincts and research. I get lectured on "he is just a boy" "he will grow out of it" "I was like that as a kid" "everyone is so quick to slap a label these days" "I have seen one autistic kids and Zack is fine". Since I started the process of getting him help, I deal with it alone. When I am with the professionals I finally get some companionship in my quest to help Zack. It has been nice (like today) to have everyone working with him seeing the same red flags as I am, and acknowledging them. Today I don't feel alone because I had 4 people(3 from the school district and the Neurologist) that are ready to give Zack the help he needs.

Since I have explained my situation to family about them being nervous that Zack is going to get a "label" and think that everyone is hasty to give them out. I might as well as explain my experience here as well. Zack has been observed for over 5 hours by 7 different people. They drove out to our house(which is not something they do often) and observed him in his natural environment. I have been questioned about everything for over 3 hours in addition to his observation. I have had a verygood experience working with the School District so far. They are very thurough. But the most important thing, most people forget, I am with him almost 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and I have been with him for 4 years now. I know my son."

This is how Zack likes to look at things.
He puts his hands in a Triangle and then crashes into Abby's head.

"Yesterday was Zack's final meeting with Child Find. I have this huge packet of his Evaluation and his goals for the year. They don't diagnose medically but see if they meet the Educational Requirements. Because they don't diagnose, they say he is very likely of being Autistic. They want him to start next week in an all day program. Before going in Kevin and I were against the full day program. He has never been away from me and still takes naps. I feel comfortable with it now. We all want Zack in a normal Kindergarten so we are going to get him a lot of services this year. Hopefully next year we can work down to the part time program and the following year he will be ready for Kindergarten.

Kevin and I are nervous of him adjusting. Zack had a play date last week for 2 hours and a Halloween Party for 2 hours and he did pretty good at them. Emma was also with him though. When we were in St. George he had a hard time going to a new Sunbeam's class. He let me leave the last 5 minutes. Zack takes a while to adjust to new things. We only have one car, which is the real problem. They do offer a bus to come and pick him up from the house but I don't think Zack is going to do well with that at first.

He starts next Wednesday and I am very anxious. I don't leave my children with people I don't know and now I am going to have to. I called his Teacher today so I can meet with him before he starts. He hasn't called me back yet. I am going to talk to him about a transition period so we can start taking him for a few hours until he is used to it. We'll see how it goes."

"Last Saturday we went and picked out our Christmas Tree. We had a good time until Zack started freaking out about a coat. It has been a while since we have had a scene in public. Zack has regressed or something since he started school. I have a few theories but his tantrums are bad. Sometimes when he goes on his rampages it is like the equivalent of the other 3 children combined. He takes so much energy out of you."

Zachary is now 10 years old and in my opinion, no longer Autistic. Oh the journey we have come!

Church Time

August 11, 2008

"I wanted a Picture to describe my Sunday, but it seems that I can't find one. Look at those kids paying attention and being all good. No wonder it is a drawing. Well, at least it isn't a reality for me. Zack is really big into quoting movies. We watched our newest Home Videos Sunday Morning. When we got to church Zack was constantly quoting what was on the home video. "Abby take a picture." "Zack say hi. Zack say hi." "Abby, put that back." "Zack do you want to hold Connor." He would repeat it over and over and over. When it was time for the sacrament I kept telling him to be quiet and Emma would lean over and put her hand on his mouth, but he wouldn't stop. Abby was also having a fit. She was on the ground and was trying to lay on Zack's shoes. Zack moved his feet and her head fell on the ground and she started screaming so loud. I was closest to the wall, and Kevin had Connor. I scooped her up and there were so many feet in the way, I had no space at all. I managed to make it past the kids feet (all the while trying to get her out ASAP) but I totally landed on Kevin's feet and I had no where else to go so I had to put all my weight and Abby's on his poor feet. He was sort of chuckling and saying OW so I couldn't help but laugh, silently thankfully. I was wondering what people were thinking. My child obviously was hurt and crying and I was laughing. When I walked into the foyer I could tell I was disturbing them (sigh, that is what the foyer is for, right?) so we just walked outside. When we finally got back in and Zack was still quoting the movies. I think people make mental notes not to sit in front of us. They can hear everything going on and although I always try to be on top of them banging into the bench they always manage to do it."

6 years later and it is still the same-ish. 

Kids being Kids

Mischievousness

July 25, 2008

Abby and Peanut Butter

May 29, 2008

Happy Birthday to me

Emma had fun during her nap

During the day Emma decided to be very mischievous when she was supposed to be taking a nap. I went in to do something and this is what I found...

Then when she woke up I saw that she had given herself a hair cut. Someone had put scissors in one of the gift bags and I didn't put them away. When I asked her about it she crossed her arms and scowled and said "Well, my hair was too long." Oooh that attitude! Every so often she decides she wants to give herself bangs and gets into the scissors. She did a pretty good job, I haven't "fixed" them either.

Weekend to myself Reflection

April 6, 2008

"I am expecting Connor in about 2 weeks and after Abby's sickness and Zack's increase in tantrums, I told Kevin that I needed a vacation before the baby comes. He made plans to take the kids up to my parent's house in St. George on Friday night after work. I decided to use the time to get some extra rest and to get some deeper cleaning out of the way. I also went to the movies which doesn't happen often. It was a great vacation for two reasons. First because I could relax and didn't have to deal with tantrums but also because it reminds you of what is important in life. I would rather have tantrums and noise and the mess than to live without my family. It was so much fun to go out and greet them all and to hear all the kids shouting "Mommy" even though the car doors were shut."

Flashback

This is a picture of Kevin and Me on our first date. We were babies

Imported from my family blog

"The other night we bought a cd with a lot of traditional children's music on it. It was actually our first one. I decided to put it on while we drove home. Who would have thought looking back on when we were dating, that we would be driving a minivan full of kids and rocking out to BINGO (and the kids weren't even singing, it was just me and Kevin). But in all honesty, I wouldn't change a thing."

Sometimes it's hard being a Mom

Imported from our family blog

February 4, 2008

"Tonight Emma and I were making a picture together with her stickers. Every Tuesday is Show and Tell at her Preschool, so I asked her if she wanted to bring her stickers and give some to everyone at the preschool. She said, "eh, no, they just give it back to me." I asked her what she was talking about and she told me of a time a while ago that she made a picture for her friend and she gave it back to Emma because she didn't want it. Emma said that it hurt her feelings. We recently had the preschool here and it broke my heart to watch. Emma would try and talk to these two girls and they ignored her completely. They wouldn't look at her no matter what she said. The entire time they were here they acted as if Emma didn't exist and I could see it effecting her. She has other friends but things seem to be getting bad at preschool with a few girls treating her bad. It is just so hard to watch our kids suffer and I know there will be many more hard times to come."

This breaks my heart reading. Emma is now 11 years old and has many moments where she enjoys having friends and a few times when she is left out and the kids move away from her. I appreciate being able to work on this in my preschool. Almost all of the kids that have come need at least a little social teaching or help. Sometimes it is the very same thing Emma dealt with. I think we all need to teach children, other than our own, how to be nice. I think the kids were a lot better off when the community helped raise the kids, vs now when everyone is too nervous of offending their friend. 

The hard days will pass

Imported from our family blog

December 20, 2007

"Yesterday was just one of those days where the kids seem to get into everything. I had bought a box of brownies from the store, the previous night and made them. In the morning Emma was excited when she saw the pan because she knew I had made brownies. While I was upstairs, Emma and Zack decided to take advantage of the opportunity and dig into the brownies. I caught them pretty early before they did too much damage. They both got in trouble and I thought that would be enough. Then about an hour later it happened again while I was on the phone with my mom. We really need a new cordless because we only get about 10 minutes on a fully charged phone. While I was up stairs on the corded phone, Emma broke into the brownies again and ate almost all of them. Shortly after it was time for bed so I put them down for a nap. Emma sleeps in my room for naps because Abby gets too excited if Emma is in the room during the day. While Emma was supposed to be sleeping, she decided to get my new soap and rub it all over my bed and pillow. I need a room with nothing more than a bed in it cause she loves to find something to get into."

I don't even remember this happening. I am sure I was freaking out about the bedspread at the time. I was frazzled and prone to over reacting. (I still am, ha!) Such a simple fix! Throw it in the wash! These hard days pass, and they pass quickly. 

Santa Torture

Imported from our family blog

December 16, 2007

"This is the only picture we got. We thought we would give the Santa pictures a try and Zack ran to the other side of the room and refused to come near Santa. Emma burst into tears and Abby did pretty good. Maybe one year they wont be so scared, maybe."

It seems like most of my kids are quite frightened of the big guy. We let our children choose now whether or not they want to see him. A lot of the time, the complimentary candy cane, does the choosing for them. Do you encourage your frightened children to stick with these traditions? It's 7 years later and I am still not sure it is worth it. 

Life is Hard, Life is Good

Imported from the family Blog

December 11, 2007

"Today Kevin and I took Abby in for another VCUG. These tests are horrible. They put a catheter in and inject her with dye. Then they strap her down on a board while they run the tests with this big machine. It is so scary, especially for a baby. Her results came back and her kidney reflux is not gone. I was hoping last night would be the last time we had to give her the antibiotics, but I guess that day will come much later. She has to take them everyday. It is hard to not feel like the surgery was pointless and she had to go through it all. She cried and cried after we were done and was still sniffling in the car. We went and took her for ice cream which she loved."

Oh how I wish it were that simple now....

I am not sure it is time to delve into Abby's Medical Journey right now. It has been a long road to just find answers to problems she deals with, and now that we know the answers (Alport Syndrome) we still have a long journey ahead of us. I am grateful for our lives, happiness, and fun times. Despite what's ahead, life is good. 

Sleeping Adventures

I am importing some posts from our family blog. This was from October of 2007

"We put a toddler bed in Zack's room and he seemed interested in it so we decided to start having him sleep in it. One morning we woke up to this big mess. He evenly spread out some dice and Lincoln logs all over his floor. There were a few nights that we found him asleep on the trampoline that was in his room. We moved the crib out but sometimes he would run in our bed while we were putting the girls down and cry "I want to sleep big boy bed". We got a new twin mattress and moved the toddler bed out. He loves his new car bed. The top picture is his first night in the bed."

"Now that Abby has discovered her freedom she likes to spend a while fooling around, jumping on her Zebra in the dark, knocking on the door, playing in the closet. We are constantly finding her in different places. The worst, and the one that happens most frequently is right behind the door. We can't get the door open without having to push it into her some."